Tough Day

Yesterday I had a tough day, work was really long - about 11.5 hours- and I had 7 meetings where I spoke the whole time.  My throat was sore and my mind was stressed due to some huge financial deadlines coming up as well as having a couple more meetings this week that are contentious and probably going to be a bit heated.

But that's life, that happens sometimes.  Work gets tough, bodies get sick, minds get stressed.  How did I deal with it?  Well I'll give you a hint, it wasn't by exercising and eating healthy meals.  I did have a nice vent sesh with my sister and some red wine, but otherwise I "fell off the wagon" a bit. 

Later last night as I sat on the couch knitting and thinking about my day I didn't beat myself up.  I thought about my choices, I thought about how EVERYTHING I do is under my control.  I thought about how awesome I am and how awesome my life is, but also how I am letting things hold me back, and I am stronger than that.

So I went to bed with a calm mind and decided that tomorrow is a new day and I can do anything I set my mind to!

First Update on the Big 3-0 Plan

Good Morning,

This is my first update on my Big 3-0 Plan.  While I have only been working on my new plan for a few days I wanted to get in the habit of making weekly updates to see my progress along the way.

To lay it out so far the first few days were a bit rough as I was still sick and wondering if I should be making the large declarations I was making, but then with the support of some awesome folks I just decided to stop thinking and start doing.  So for today is day 4 of me kicking some booty!


Goal #1 - Improve Overall Physical Health
I made a one notable change to my steps under my physical health goal.  As much as I don't want to count calories my entire life (I was seriously scarred by Weight Watchers and tracking points all for a number on a scale that I didn't feel accurately represented my health) I did switch back to using My Fitness Pal to track my food instead of writing in in my journal.  The swap was two-fold, one I am more consistent when I use my phone to track things, lets be honest it is ALWAYS with me.  And two, while I hate the idea of diets, I am trying to lose some weight and while I'm not doing anything nutty that I wont maintain forever, I do need to find a good way to reign in my eating and focus it on healthy good foods and I think this will help.

Breakfast on My Fitness Pal

So like I said I am 4 days into tracking all of my food, and while I have definitely tracked a cupcakes and bacon I haven't had any big binges and have stayed mostly in my calorie range.  I am starting the habit of tracking and then Ill work to fine-tune the nutrients. 

This week I also set myself up for success by making an exercise plan and prepping my fridge with yummy healthy foods.  Today for lunch I am having sweet potato, broccoli and cauliflower, its so delicious!  I also tried a new lemon lentil soup that was so warm and yummy.

Prepped and Ready!

Lastly I also followed my plans and got some good cross fit and running in over the past few days.  It has been sunny which has made getting outside and getting my steps a lot easier!

Tracking my exercise

Goal #2 - Increase Positivity and Confidence
For my mental health goals I have been good about journaling daily but haven't started any mediation or affirmations just yet - coming soon!

I believe in Me!

Goal #3 - Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups
No real progress on my outlined steps in this area yet but I did attend a community event, and ask a friend to hangout this weekend but it fell through due to a sick kid.  More progress soon!

So as you can see I am getting the wheels turning and am really excited about the possibility of seeing some real change in these areas!  Keep thinking good thoughts for me and Ill keep you updated!

Scary Declarations

I am excited to have put my goal post up and and be making positive goals and declarations about my life.  Its really scary to put these in writing but I think its good to set goals and see where you go.  Failure is not an F-word, well it is, but not a bad one!

After posting my Big 3-0 goal post I thought more about what I wanted to do and my goals.  One thing I didn't post and maybe I should explain is that I have a couple larger long term goals that have been in my head for a while and I am starting to feel time pressure on them.

So in the spirit of laying it all out there.  You may have seen in past posts that a previous goal of mine was to run a marathon the day before I turn 30.  I had this whole plan to lose the 15 love pounds I gained after our wedding to make it easier on my body and run that race in homage to the end of my 20s. 

Then my husband started doing triathlons with me and I mentioned to him that some day (far in the future) I wanted to do a 70.3 Ironman.  I meant someday like when I actually do it I could die happy, way in the future.  He took that to mean next year.  He's very literal.  So I stated to think maybe this could happen. 

Time to get racing!

So another thing I should add is that my husband and I have summers off (ironmans require summer training and travel) and we had planned a big international trip to Africa or Russia and we wanted to do all of this including the race in the next two summers because as of July 2016 we are in baby making mode.

Aww are we such a cute race couple!

Okay again if you haven't caught on that I am a crazy planner, time to get on that boat.

SO after lots of swapping we decide Ironman 70.3 in summer of 2015 and Africa/baby making in summer of 2016.  This all coincided with a trip to race and see family for a reunion.  No we do not do things small.  Then our tri coach broke the news to us that we were nuts and while we were both capable of the distance we really needed some more open water experience and more Olympic distance race experience to make the ironman more enjoyable.

After this revelation it was winter and I started burning out so the marathon never came back around until now...

Now its March and I am thinking boy do I want to do a race.  But instead of spending the last 6 months trimming down to race weight I have gained about 15lbs - well done Kayse.

No possible way this contributed to my extra pounds...

So last night I decided I am going all in.  While I am not doing the marathon the day before I turn 30, I am going to try to lose all this weight I gained, a whopping 30lbs if you counted, run the half marathon the day before I turn 30 and then run a full either in August or back up plan in November down in Seattle. 

I will admit I love the symmetry, I turn 30 in three months and want to lose 30 lbs.  It feels meant to be!  Yes I am a person who can start a training journal mid week or tracking food mid day, or anything else that's not perfectly aligned, why do you ask?

See you at the finish line!

Long term plan (my family thinks I'm insane for my plans but I love them) is to do 1-2 olympic tris this year, get out in the one lake we have that you can swim in, and then do a 70.3 next May/June with my husband before heading to Africa to make babies. 

Writing it down seems insane but honestly I feel sometimes like I am waiting for life to start and right now (and always) I have an opportunity to take my life by the horns and do some fucking amazing stuff.  Or I could sit on the couch watching netflix and tear up over other people's race reports.

Push to the finish

Umm I choose option A!!!  Please don't tell me I'm insane (unless its in a good way) and cheer me on even if you think I may fail. And if I do, then cheer me on as I find Plan B.

Regardless of what happens I am all in - I'm doing this!

Excuse me while I go throw up...

Turning the big 3-0

In approximately 95 days - okay in exactly 95 days - I will leave the word of my 20s and begin what I feel like is the inevitable adult phase of my life.  I feel like no matter what your circumstances are if your age still has a 2 in front of it you can claim to not be an adult yet - married with kids in your 20s?  You can still claim to be a kiddo.  When you hit the 3 I think its time, no matter if your mom still does your laundry or not, you become an official adult.

Post Half Marathon on my 29th Birthday

Okay my point here is I am turning 30 in just over three months and it has caused me to take stock of my life a bit and ask my self the big question "Am I happy with where I am at?"  as well as "Am I make the best use of my life?"  I am a firm believer that at 30 I am not even quite to the 1/3 mark of my life because I am obviously going to live long into my 100s.  But I still want to to make the best of all of it.

While my life has not turned out the way I planned and that is 99% for the best, I can still answer that first question with a resounding YES.  I have a wonderful life and while there are still things I want to do, overall I am pretty darn content.  I think the second question about making the best of my time where I can see a few cracks I want to work on.  This is the process right?  We look at ourselves and make goals in the future to be the best us we can be?

Well I think that is a common process all the time but even more during milestone events in life.  30 is my milestone event so here we go...

I broke up my lovely life into a few categories that I wanted to take a deeper look at and then after looking at each category I choose the areas I want to work on and hopefully enter my 30s with at least a start at a different outlook/situation.

At this point if you think I am a nutjob who loves lists, highlighters and sticky notes...well you are right :)

Physical Health
Mental Health
Romance
Career
Family
Friends
Community
Faith

Here's what I am thinking about each of those areas:

Physical Health: Way to start with the doozy - Long story short this is the area in my life which I struggle a lot with.  I am a strong able bodied woman who has a nice figure and the ability to do many things like running races.  However I have gained quite a bit of weight in the last two years and I am just not super comfortable with my size.  This will definitely be one of my 30 goals.

Kenai Sprint Tri

Mental Health: I have struggled on and off with mild depression and anxiety depending on the phase in life or the time of the year (January is often tough), but for the most part I am a fairly positive person.  I definitely will have some goals around this as I believe it is always a good idea to keep tabs on your mental health and keep your anxiety on the low side.

Romance: Check, Check and Check.  I have a fantastic husband and a wonderful marriage.  I think I hit the jackpot 3 years ago and I love every second of our life together.

My fantastic husband and me in Mexico

Career: I have a very interesting job working with both federal regulation and rural Alaskan villages.  Overall my job situation is pretty great, good pay, decent benefits and summers off.  I have however been pretty pressed lately and have had some anxiety as a result of my work life and I think that connects back up to mental health and an area I need to work on.

Family: This is another easy one for me, I have good relationships with my family and love spending time with them.  Moving on...

@ the Zoo with my parents, gramma and my husband

Hanging with my nephew at a size I would like to go back to being!

Friends: I have some wonderful friends here in Anchorage as well as some keepers that I have kept in touch with from travels and living around the world.  However the part that I feel like I am missing is the really close lady friends.  I have friends I see in groups but not many friends I see one on one.  This means while I feel like I have deep friendships with some of those "group" friends I don't really have people that I call just to chat or when I'm having a tough day.  I find making friends as an adult is really tough, everyone has kids and families and I feel like its hard to ask someone to do something when you know all they are juggling in their life.

Community: I think it is really important to be a part of your community.  I have had mixed success in this area.  I am currently on my way to a lunch and learn on candidates for our upcoming mayoral election and I really like the idea of being involved in local politics.  I am not involved in my community council but really want to be.  They meet during my book club time so I need to change that!  Change the book club not the community council :)  I also really struggle with getting involved with volunteering which I think is very important.  I have struggled to commit to some organizations that I like which want a 2 day a week commitment and I'm a bit gun shy about committing my time at that level.

Faith: Eish where to start...long story short I was raised Lutheran, had a really terrible experience with a church, found an open and accepting Church I loved in South Africa, was baptized and now have very liberal beliefs about different religions.  Anyways my liberal beliefs do not fit well into most Churches but I still would love to find a way to engage and share in that part of my spirituality.  Not sure if I want to open that box of worms yet... 

Goals: Okay so now you know my life story including all fears and personal issues, now its time for goals! I started out with about a million but realized that was silly and unproductive so I narrowed it down to a top 3 and then figured a couple small ones that are more like steps themselves.

The Big Three Goals for My 30

1. Improve Overall Physical Health
2. Increase Positivity and Confidence
3. Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups

Obviously those are pretty big and vague so here some specifics (remember to make your goals SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound).

Improve Overall Physical Health
Specifics:

1. Lose weight
2. Gain Strength
3. Create good eating habits

Biking 30+miles around Anchorage

Steps:

1. Make an exercise plan - document in training journal & with stars on calendar
2. Write down food in training journal & document with stars on calendar
3. Eat foods that are whole and healthy -
1. Prep on the weekend so its easy to make these choices.

A yummy bowl of healthy foods high in good fats and protein!

An old star chart - yes behaviorism works on adults :)

A well prepped fridge is key to my success!

Increase Positivity and Confidence
Specifics:

1. Improve my positive self talk
2. Decrease work stress

Steps:

1. Journal daily 
1. write down food issues, anxieties and things I am thankful for
2. Start out the day with positive affirmations such as:
1. All I have to do is be me
2. I like/accept myself exactly as I am at this moment
3. You are...(strong, smart, awesome, etc.)
3. Mediate - Start out with a few times a week and aim to increase to daily.  Use podcasts
4.  Set aside specific work time for the tasks as well as dedicated time to manage.  
1. Focus on leaving work at work - only bring it home if you HAVE to!
2. Remember that its just a job and you have a daily opportunity to make a difference :)

Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups
Specifics:

1.  Make a friend!
2. Find a Community group or Volunteer opportunity
3. Try out the Unitarian Church

Steps:

1. To not be too creepy I wont name names but I have a friend in mind I will ask to hang out soon - I feel like I'm asking someone on a date...
2. Decide which volunteer group to attend - someone just handed me a League of Women voters flyer so who knows what I will choose!
1. Current options that interest me are : United Way Emerging Leaders, League of Women Voters, Kiwanis, Lions club, Teaching ESL, Mentoring at risk youth or joining my neighborhood community council.
3. The last one is simple, pick a day and walk two blocks to the Unitarian Church - harder task is seeing if my husband will come with!

I was invited to a women's poker group this winter and even though I was a bit intimidated I did it and I love it!

Okay this post turned into much much more than I was thinking it would but there you go.  There is my life and my goals.  I am going to post weekly on the progress so keep in touch!
 

I love this photo, I'm on the right and I look like death, but I was the fittest I have ever been and was finishing my first half marathon!

Frostbite Footrace 5k

A Rondy tradition, last weekend I competed in the annual Frostbite Footrace 5k.  This race occurs during our Fur Rondy festival which is two weeks of fun winter events that culminate with the ceremonial start of the Iditarod.  It is a really fun and crazy festival that usually is accompanied with lots of snow and cold winter weather.

Ready to run!

My vote for the winner Aily Zirkle

Immunize your kids!

Not this year.  This year the snow had to be brought in for the mushers, another dog race was canceled and the snowshoe softball was just softball.

Snowshoe softball minus the snowshoes

Nevertheless again this year I got my costume ready to run a completely untrained 5k.  Its a fun family tradition and also the first 5k I ever did, so there is some sentiment there.

Frostbite 5k

This year my sister and I spent more time on our costumes than we did training for the race. We were really awesome scuba divers complete with air tanks, flippers and a mask.  It was awesome.

Scuba!

The actual race was pretty close to normal for me.  I think every year when I run this my race time is similar, its my untrained 5k time which is pretty consistently around 36 minutes.  I finished the race melting hot due to the warm weather and my costume requiring a black ski hat with goggles to hold the heat in, but good times were had by all.

Ready to swim

I have another 5k coming up which I am similarly untrained for but what the heck, racing around here is fun no matter if you are fast or slow.  At least I think it is... I always fall into the latter category!

Run Happy :)

Planning to Plan to Plan...

I always have a plan, do they work out?  Not always, but in the past probably more did workout than didn't.  I don't believe that is because of anything more than the fact I am pigheaded and stubborn.  Now days my plans work out less and I am working on being okay with that.  My life has not ended up where I thought it would and that is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Anyways I'll stop from getting too philosophical about life and say that I am in a moment of planning.  This planning may deviate from my big plan but I think this detour will in the end make the big plan better. 

Planning to eat healthy

Do you all have big plans?  Am I just nuts?  I feel like probably not everybody knows when they want to have a dog, kids, job change, big dream race, etc.

Never mind don't answer that, I prefer ignorance over the realization that I am truly nuts.

Back to the plan.  I haven't been able to say it aloud but we are all friends right?  Or at least if we are not than maybe we are nothing but internet air and my mind and that would be okay as well.

I am planning to commit the next 6 - 9 months to health.  You may ask how this is different from anything else.  Hear me, I did not say running or training or racing, I said health.  I am feeling unhealthy and I dont like it.  I am feeling physically uncomfortable which is impacting my mental well being.  I also think this will get in the way of my larger goals over the next few years (Ironman,kids etc.).

Planning to stay active!

Most people probably think my training and racing fit well into a plan of overall wellness but for some reason for me they do not.  I am still open to the option of racing but it will not be my number one training goal.  My exercise will be focused on strength and losing body weight and then with any extra time I will continue to bike and run at much lesser amounts.

Typical race planning

I think overall improved strength and less weight will be just as beneficial to my training as running more frequently.  If not its one year of missed races in exchange for many years of overall health, wellness and increased performance in future races.

Introduce WODs

How does that sound?  Sounds pretty good to me.  Wish me luck and I will keep you updated on my progress on the "Plan"

Still Here...

Hello,

I know it has been a while since I last posted something.  I started a few blog posts but didn't follow through.  Maybe I'll do a couple wrap ups of the last two months, but right now I want to talk about what I am currently up to and 'Ill get to the past events later on....

Okay so I'll start with the honest truth, January sucked.  While I love fresh starts as much as I love blank planners and new notebooks, I seem to get in a funk every year at this time.  Last year I really thought it was just the post wedding resettling of life but this year its the same.  It didn't help that I came home from my vacation to find out one of my staff had died.   Long sad story short not only did we lose a friend and coworker who was with our company for 25 years, I also became solely responsible for a job I didn't know very well which included large financial implications for our already very tight federal grant budget.  So for the last two months I have put in insane hours, forgone workouts all while trying to work through my normal slump month.  Folks its been rough.

Naps with your nephew are required

But in the realm of moving on, I am pushing forward and focusing on what I need to do to be happy and healthy.  My usual response to issues like above is to make a plan.  I love plans and lists, they focus me and help push me through the fog.  My plan right now has multiple facets including both physical and mental health.  I am a believer of using visual ques so I often use a calendar and stickers to see my progress on training plans, this time I also have reminders set in my phone to help me with my progress as well as a journal to chart and document my course. 

Physically my goals have not changed, I feel best when I put whole clean foods in my body when I am actually hungry (ie no eating cookies cause your sad) and moving my body frequently through out the day as well as using it to lift heavy things :)  Eat clean, move your legs, lift...repeat.  While I do have weight loss goals I do not want to spend my life analyzing the calories in a food product.  I want to build healthy habits and eat the fresh foods that my body craves. 

Healthy food prepped and ready

I slapped my fit bit back on my wrist yesterday to help me get my legs moving and see how my desk job affects my health.  I also started going to a weight lifting class to build muscles and begin to remember what it is like to feel strong.

It may not be vitamin D I'm getting, but definitely some fresh (brisk) air!

All of this fun coupled with some vitamin D, lots of water and positive self talk will hopefully even out some of my recent ups and downs and help me to feel calmer and more like myself. 

I chose what I do with my body
I chose to be my truest self

Relaxing is good, stop feeling guilty about it!

I suppose its always a journey and I would like to think I have learned from each bump in the road, I guess I will only see the growth when I get up again.