The Important Things in Life

Hello,

I had intended to write this post about my progress on my goals but all I really want to tell you about my goals is that I am making progress and feeling good.  Am I hitting every mark? No.  Will I make my super strict weight goal before I turn 30?  Probably not, I didn't leave any room for error.  Is this important? Kinda.  But in the long run will it matter if I weigh 10 pounds less than I do now?  Not really. 

Why all the questions?  I have had one of those weeks that puts life in perspective a bit.  Without going into too much detail in a span of a week I found out a 2 year old relative was feeling a bit sick over Easter weekend and when his mom took him to the doctor on the following Monday they were told to go straight to the hospital because he has Leukemia.  Now their life and the lives of their other three kids has been turned upside down by transfusions, hospital stays and chemo.

The next Monday I signed onto Facebook to learn a friend from High School was driving with her husband and 8 month old baby when a large piece of concrete fell on their truck and killed them all instantly.

Life is so precious and can change in a moment.  I know that one moment I could be obsessing about how much my life would be better if I just lost 30lbs and then the next moment I could be wishing to be back in a space when my biggest issue was a jean size. 

I want to be the best me I can be, but I don't want to waste time fretting over things that are so insignificant in the long run.  I know I am very lucky that some extra weight is honestly the biggest issue in my life.  I am fairly certain that means my life is pretty smooth and I am extremely grateful for that.  I stress out over if I will be last at a race when I should be happy that I am able to participate in these events.

I will always continue to live the best life that I can live and love as much, and as hard as I am able, but I will also take time to enjoy the present and give myself a break once in a while.  In the end all my anxieties probably wont matter and I dont want to look back and wish I was nicer to myself and enjoyed life more.

Thank you for stopping by :)

Loving life

Week 2 Update

Hello,

Week two is complete on my plan and I am definitely starting slow but I would rather start slow and ramp up then start fast and fizzle out. So here is to consistency!

I didn't weigh myself this week because I started to obsess a bit and I am a firm believer that numbers are not everything.  But I have been running more and thinking about race plans this week.  I got a great workout at CrossFit this week so exercise has been ramping up a bit.

Anyone up for a slow fun run while listening to This American Life?

Food on the other hand has been tough.  Does anyone else have a hard time keeping themselves focused when their life seems unfocused?  My work is still a bit nutty and while I love it and want to be amazing at it, I still need to have my own  life!

I did make a bit decision this week which may seem a bit counter productive but stay with me, I quit my running team.  For two seasons now I have been running with a women's running team which I was actually a board member for last year.  But this year I decided that I was going to separate myself from the team.  Last year the team got quite a bit smaller due to some other local running options opening up and it seemed like the folks that remained were all fast.  Every time I went to practice they would try to pair us up to run together but nobody would be my speed so I would just feel awful about holding people back, or they would write paces on the board and mine wouldn't be listed.  I know I am a slower runner but the team was supposed to be open to all.  I just got tired of feeling bad about myself every week.  I had to avoid a handful of practices which were off the track because I couldn't run with everyone else so I just got left behind.  I cried at several practices last year, and this year I decided I don't need that.  I am never going to be a super fast runner, I honestly don't care enough, I actually just like to run and I don't want to start feeling bad every time I go out for a 36 minute 3 mile run!

Also I get to run in beautiful places, check this out :)

Running on Turnagain Arm

I love this trail!

Progress - Week 1 (Delayed!)

*I started writing this post last Tuesday the 31st, but it took me almost a week to finish it, look for week 2 shortly
 
Hello,


I am officially calling this week one.  Last week I had a partial week by the time I got started and while I started making some progress on setting habits, but this week I feel like I hit my stride and I am ready to roll.

Again I did a great job prepping my food and tracking my exercise and meals.  I am tracking food on My Fitness Pal and giving myself stars and smiley faces on my calendar.  I got my steps for about 1/2 of the week- I am still working on feeling motivated to get my exercise in.

Death was near at crossfit...

I also hit about 50% of my goals in tracking my meals, so there is progress being made!

Healthy Meals were had!

I did however get to see some scale victory as the 50% good part of my week has been the last four days, so that bumped me down a couple pounds.

I am finding journaling and the mental health part a bit tougher which is something I want to focus on as I think it is really important to my ability to hang with this plan!

I am finishing this update up because I realize its almost time for the next update, so Ill keep this short and say look for Week 2 coming tomorrow!

Tough Day

Yesterday I had a tough day, work was really long - about 11.5 hours- and I had 7 meetings where I spoke the whole time.  My throat was sore and my mind was stressed due to some huge financial deadlines coming up as well as having a couple more meetings this week that are contentious and probably going to be a bit heated.

But that's life, that happens sometimes.  Work gets tough, bodies get sick, minds get stressed.  How did I deal with it?  Well I'll give you a hint, it wasn't by exercising and eating healthy meals.  I did have a nice vent sesh with my sister and some red wine, but otherwise I "fell off the wagon" a bit. 

Later last night as I sat on the couch knitting and thinking about my day I didn't beat myself up.  I thought about my choices, I thought about how EVERYTHING I do is under my control.  I thought about how awesome I am and how awesome my life is, but also how I am letting things hold me back, and I am stronger than that.

So I went to bed with a calm mind and decided that tomorrow is a new day and I can do anything I set my mind to!

First Update on the Big 3-0 Plan

Good Morning,

This is my first update on my Big 3-0 Plan.  While I have only been working on my new plan for a few days I wanted to get in the habit of making weekly updates to see my progress along the way.

To lay it out so far the first few days were a bit rough as I was still sick and wondering if I should be making the large declarations I was making, but then with the support of some awesome folks I just decided to stop thinking and start doing.  So for today is day 4 of me kicking some booty!


Goal #1 - Improve Overall Physical Health
I made a one notable change to my steps under my physical health goal.  As much as I don't want to count calories my entire life (I was seriously scarred by Weight Watchers and tracking points all for a number on a scale that I didn't feel accurately represented my health) I did switch back to using My Fitness Pal to track my food instead of writing in in my journal.  The swap was two-fold, one I am more consistent when I use my phone to track things, lets be honest it is ALWAYS with me.  And two, while I hate the idea of diets, I am trying to lose some weight and while I'm not doing anything nutty that I wont maintain forever, I do need to find a good way to reign in my eating and focus it on healthy good foods and I think this will help.

Breakfast on My Fitness Pal

So like I said I am 4 days into tracking all of my food, and while I have definitely tracked a cupcakes and bacon I haven't had any big binges and have stayed mostly in my calorie range.  I am starting the habit of tracking and then Ill work to fine-tune the nutrients. 

This week I also set myself up for success by making an exercise plan and prepping my fridge with yummy healthy foods.  Today for lunch I am having sweet potato, broccoli and cauliflower, its so delicious!  I also tried a new lemon lentil soup that was so warm and yummy.

Prepped and Ready!

Lastly I also followed my plans and got some good cross fit and running in over the past few days.  It has been sunny which has made getting outside and getting my steps a lot easier!

Tracking my exercise

Goal #2 - Increase Positivity and Confidence
For my mental health goals I have been good about journaling daily but haven't started any mediation or affirmations just yet - coming soon!

I believe in Me!

Goal #3 - Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups
No real progress on my outlined steps in this area yet but I did attend a community event, and ask a friend to hangout this weekend but it fell through due to a sick kid.  More progress soon!

So as you can see I am getting the wheels turning and am really excited about the possibility of seeing some real change in these areas!  Keep thinking good thoughts for me and Ill keep you updated!

Scary Declarations

I am excited to have put my goal post up and and be making positive goals and declarations about my life.  Its really scary to put these in writing but I think its good to set goals and see where you go.  Failure is not an F-word, well it is, but not a bad one!

After posting my Big 3-0 goal post I thought more about what I wanted to do and my goals.  One thing I didn't post and maybe I should explain is that I have a couple larger long term goals that have been in my head for a while and I am starting to feel time pressure on them.

So in the spirit of laying it all out there.  You may have seen in past posts that a previous goal of mine was to run a marathon the day before I turn 30.  I had this whole plan to lose the 15 love pounds I gained after our wedding to make it easier on my body and run that race in homage to the end of my 20s. 

Then my husband started doing triathlons with me and I mentioned to him that some day (far in the future) I wanted to do a 70.3 Ironman.  I meant someday like when I actually do it I could die happy, way in the future.  He took that to mean next year.  He's very literal.  So I stated to think maybe this could happen. 

Time to get racing!

So another thing I should add is that my husband and I have summers off (ironmans require summer training and travel) and we had planned a big international trip to Africa or Russia and we wanted to do all of this including the race in the next two summers because as of July 2016 we are in baby making mode.

Aww are we such a cute race couple!

Okay again if you haven't caught on that I am a crazy planner, time to get on that boat.

SO after lots of swapping we decide Ironman 70.3 in summer of 2015 and Africa/baby making in summer of 2016.  This all coincided with a trip to race and see family for a reunion.  No we do not do things small.  Then our tri coach broke the news to us that we were nuts and while we were both capable of the distance we really needed some more open water experience and more Olympic distance race experience to make the ironman more enjoyable.

After this revelation it was winter and I started burning out so the marathon never came back around until now...

Now its March and I am thinking boy do I want to do a race.  But instead of spending the last 6 months trimming down to race weight I have gained about 15lbs - well done Kayse.

No possible way this contributed to my extra pounds...

So last night I decided I am going all in.  While I am not doing the marathon the day before I turn 30, I am going to try to lose all this weight I gained, a whopping 30lbs if you counted, run the half marathon the day before I turn 30 and then run a full either in August or back up plan in November down in Seattle. 

I will admit I love the symmetry, I turn 30 in three months and want to lose 30 lbs.  It feels meant to be!  Yes I am a person who can start a training journal mid week or tracking food mid day, or anything else that's not perfectly aligned, why do you ask?

See you at the finish line!

Long term plan (my family thinks I'm insane for my plans but I love them) is to do 1-2 olympic tris this year, get out in the one lake we have that you can swim in, and then do a 70.3 next May/June with my husband before heading to Africa to make babies. 

Writing it down seems insane but honestly I feel sometimes like I am waiting for life to start and right now (and always) I have an opportunity to take my life by the horns and do some fucking amazing stuff.  Or I could sit on the couch watching netflix and tear up over other people's race reports.

Push to the finish

Umm I choose option A!!!  Please don't tell me I'm insane (unless its in a good way) and cheer me on even if you think I may fail. And if I do, then cheer me on as I find Plan B.

Regardless of what happens I am all in - I'm doing this!

Excuse me while I go throw up...

Turning the big 3-0

In approximately 95 days - okay in exactly 95 days - I will leave the word of my 20s and begin what I feel like is the inevitable adult phase of my life.  I feel like no matter what your circumstances are if your age still has a 2 in front of it you can claim to not be an adult yet - married with kids in your 20s?  You can still claim to be a kiddo.  When you hit the 3 I think its time, no matter if your mom still does your laundry or not, you become an official adult.

Post Half Marathon on my 29th Birthday

Okay my point here is I am turning 30 in just over three months and it has caused me to take stock of my life a bit and ask my self the big question "Am I happy with where I am at?"  as well as "Am I make the best use of my life?"  I am a firm believer that at 30 I am not even quite to the 1/3 mark of my life because I am obviously going to live long into my 100s.  But I still want to to make the best of all of it.

While my life has not turned out the way I planned and that is 99% for the best, I can still answer that first question with a resounding YES.  I have a wonderful life and while there are still things I want to do, overall I am pretty darn content.  I think the second question about making the best of my time where I can see a few cracks I want to work on.  This is the process right?  We look at ourselves and make goals in the future to be the best us we can be?

Well I think that is a common process all the time but even more during milestone events in life.  30 is my milestone event so here we go...

I broke up my lovely life into a few categories that I wanted to take a deeper look at and then after looking at each category I choose the areas I want to work on and hopefully enter my 30s with at least a start at a different outlook/situation.

At this point if you think I am a nutjob who loves lists, highlighters and sticky notes...well you are right :)

Physical Health
Mental Health
Romance
Career
Family
Friends
Community
Faith

Here's what I am thinking about each of those areas:

Physical Health: Way to start with the doozy - Long story short this is the area in my life which I struggle a lot with.  I am a strong able bodied woman who has a nice figure and the ability to do many things like running races.  However I have gained quite a bit of weight in the last two years and I am just not super comfortable with my size.  This will definitely be one of my 30 goals.

Kenai Sprint Tri

Mental Health: I have struggled on and off with mild depression and anxiety depending on the phase in life or the time of the year (January is often tough), but for the most part I am a fairly positive person.  I definitely will have some goals around this as I believe it is always a good idea to keep tabs on your mental health and keep your anxiety on the low side.

Romance: Check, Check and Check.  I have a fantastic husband and a wonderful marriage.  I think I hit the jackpot 3 years ago and I love every second of our life together.

My fantastic husband and me in Mexico

Career: I have a very interesting job working with both federal regulation and rural Alaskan villages.  Overall my job situation is pretty great, good pay, decent benefits and summers off.  I have however been pretty pressed lately and have had some anxiety as a result of my work life and I think that connects back up to mental health and an area I need to work on.

Family: This is another easy one for me, I have good relationships with my family and love spending time with them.  Moving on...

@ the Zoo with my parents, gramma and my husband

Hanging with my nephew at a size I would like to go back to being!

Friends: I have some wonderful friends here in Anchorage as well as some keepers that I have kept in touch with from travels and living around the world.  However the part that I feel like I am missing is the really close lady friends.  I have friends I see in groups but not many friends I see one on one.  This means while I feel like I have deep friendships with some of those "group" friends I don't really have people that I call just to chat or when I'm having a tough day.  I find making friends as an adult is really tough, everyone has kids and families and I feel like its hard to ask someone to do something when you know all they are juggling in their life.

Community: I think it is really important to be a part of your community.  I have had mixed success in this area.  I am currently on my way to a lunch and learn on candidates for our upcoming mayoral election and I really like the idea of being involved in local politics.  I am not involved in my community council but really want to be.  They meet during my book club time so I need to change that!  Change the book club not the community council :)  I also really struggle with getting involved with volunteering which I think is very important.  I have struggled to commit to some organizations that I like which want a 2 day a week commitment and I'm a bit gun shy about committing my time at that level.

Faith: Eish where to start...long story short I was raised Lutheran, had a really terrible experience with a church, found an open and accepting Church I loved in South Africa, was baptized and now have very liberal beliefs about different religions.  Anyways my liberal beliefs do not fit well into most Churches but I still would love to find a way to engage and share in that part of my spirituality.  Not sure if I want to open that box of worms yet... 

Goals: Okay so now you know my life story including all fears and personal issues, now its time for goals! I started out with about a million but realized that was silly and unproductive so I narrowed it down to a top 3 and then figured a couple small ones that are more like steps themselves.

The Big Three Goals for My 30

1. Improve Overall Physical Health
2. Increase Positivity and Confidence
3. Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups

Obviously those are pretty big and vague so here some specifics (remember to make your goals SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound).

Improve Overall Physical Health
Specifics:

1. Lose weight
2. Gain Strength
3. Create good eating habits

Biking 30+miles around Anchorage

Steps:

1. Make an exercise plan - document in training journal & with stars on calendar
2. Write down food in training journal & document with stars on calendar
3. Eat foods that are whole and healthy -
1. Prep on the weekend so its easy to make these choices.

A yummy bowl of healthy foods high in good fats and protein!

An old star chart - yes behaviorism works on adults :)

A well prepped fridge is key to my success!

Increase Positivity and Confidence
Specifics:

1. Improve my positive self talk
2. Decrease work stress

Steps:

1. Journal daily 
1. write down food issues, anxieties and things I am thankful for
2. Start out the day with positive affirmations such as:
1. All I have to do is be me
2. I like/accept myself exactly as I am at this moment
3. You are...(strong, smart, awesome, etc.)
3. Mediate - Start out with a few times a week and aim to increase to daily.  Use podcasts
4.  Set aside specific work time for the tasks as well as dedicated time to manage.  
1. Focus on leaving work at work - only bring it home if you HAVE to!
2. Remember that its just a job and you have a daily opportunity to make a difference :)

Increase Connections to Fun People and Groups
Specifics:

1.  Make a friend!
2. Find a Community group or Volunteer opportunity
3. Try out the Unitarian Church

Steps:

1. To not be too creepy I wont name names but I have a friend in mind I will ask to hang out soon - I feel like I'm asking someone on a date...
2. Decide which volunteer group to attend - someone just handed me a League of Women voters flyer so who knows what I will choose!
1. Current options that interest me are : United Way Emerging Leaders, League of Women Voters, Kiwanis, Lions club, Teaching ESL, Mentoring at risk youth or joining my neighborhood community council.
3. The last one is simple, pick a day and walk two blocks to the Unitarian Church - harder task is seeing if my husband will come with!

I was invited to a women's poker group this winter and even though I was a bit intimidated I did it and I love it!

Okay this post turned into much much more than I was thinking it would but there you go.  There is my life and my goals.  I am going to post weekly on the progress so keep in touch!
 

I love this photo, I'm on the right and I look like death, but I was the fittest I have ever been and was finishing my first half marathon!